Were You Real?

Were you real?

I’m fairly certain you existed

Perhaps you still do

Experiences

Hours, days, years

They seem never ending

While they happen

But they’re merely a blip

Did they really happen?

To me

Or am I fostering someone’s else’s memories?

Boardwalk

Summer

Crashing Waves

Sweet salt smell perforates my senses

The boardwalk

You

You were the difference that summer

Eight weeks of breathtaking bliss

Your hand in mine

Our lips intertwined

Fulfillment

We made a promise

To each other

A commitment

It felt so right

But a commitment under the stars of a teenage summer

Hardly carries the weight of a binding agreement

Such commitments harbor puncture wounds

Fissures that lead directly to heartbreak

For one or both sides

Letters pledging undying and enduring love come rapidly

In the days following those amazing eight weeks

However, written allegiances cannot sustain

They wilt under the increasing cooler temperatures

Death comes quick to such allegiances by first snowfall

All that is left is the empty boardwalk

Colt 45

This old colt 45 is my inspiration

Stimulates my passion for her

Courage escalates as the minutes pass

Type one more digit in her number

Might reach all ten before I go to sleep

I hope she’s receptive

It’s been many moons since she was wronged

Desserts and time zones fill the space between us

I’ve spent many a night in the wooden rocker

Contemplating my life

Damning myself for the errors of my ways

The old colt 45

Never far from my reach

1994

You left me in 1994

I didn’t see it coming

Blindsided, I retreated into obscurity

To a sanctuary I didn’t want to be in

Shock and disbelief passed the torch onto depression

Hopelessness my one confidant

Not sure how I was going to get past it

I remember 1994 well

The carefree 80’s were no more

Replaced by a new darkness

Six months of reclusive living

The white Bronco chase

Kurt died

Black Hole Sun playing every five minutes

Maybe I’ll shower today

The road to recovery long and cumbersome

My hell eventually subsided

I got over you

Now I rarely miss you

Until that damn song comes on

I still hate 1994

You’ll Get Here

You found new love

That’s great; I’m happy for you

You think she might be the one

An all too familiar tale

You see, I’ve been there before

With her

Let me enlighten you:

The first few years will be magical

You’ll be her knight in shining armor

You’ll wake up everyday jumping and skipping

Walking on air

Ready to take on the world

You’ll pine for those after hours when daily priorities are met and you can meet in your castle

You’ll commit everything to her

It will seem like the only logical thing to do

You’ll consider yourself the luckiest man on the face of the earth

However, the tide will turn

Slowly, like an hourglass that only empties one grain of sand at a time, the world you know will change

You won’t be her knight anymore

Everyone else in her life will be

The house, your castle, will become a public meeting place

Party at your house! Again!

Intimate moments will dissipate

They won’t exist

You’ll wake up groggy and crestfallen

Tripping on yourself

Taking on the world is too insurmountable

You’ll do anything to stay at the office late to avoid the castle

But you cannot; you’ve committed everything to her

What were you thinking?

It will end and you will be lost

You will be all alone

Your new and empty castle

But let me tell you something…..

In a few months, maybe a year or two, the tide will turn again

You’ll look around at your newfound freedom and serenity

And you will realize it right then and there;

That you are indeed the luckiest man on the face of the earth

Cling to Hope

I’m losing you

You’re not happy

You said as much

Not in love

But you’re not leaving

Just putting me on notice

From this point forward, I’ll have to kill myself

Prove I’m worthy

That I can go back to what I was

I’ll try my damnedest

Probably have some early successes

But I cannot make but one mistake

Or I’ll go all the way back

It’s so daunting it’s near impossible

But I’m desperate not to lose you

So I cling to hope

Boomerang

She’s poison

I know she is

She’s no good for me

She always rips my heart out

Why do I fall for it every time?

There’s my dreamgirl!

What was so bad in the first place?

I love how you hang all over me

Are you sure? You want to talk about forever?

I love you so much

What’s the matter?

Why aren’t you answering my texts?

Are you okay?

She’s poison

I know she is

She’s no good for me

She always rips my heart out

Why do I fall for it every time?

There’s my dreamgirl!

What was so bad in the first place?

I love how you hang all over me

Are you sure………………

Orb

There’s an orb that floats through here from time to time

Takes me aback every time

Seems to drop by when I’m down

Is it you?

Are you checking on me?

Making sure I’m okay?

Thank you, for I feel comforted when you visit

There’s a dream I have from time to time

Wakes me up in a startle

Seems to come when I’m particularly longing for you

You’re smiling and laughing

Just like when you were right here

When I could touch you

Are you doing that?

Makes me happy when you come to visit

Thank you

It Was Over

Your silence spoke volumes

Your jovial disposition absent for more than a week

When I asked what was wrong and you wouldn’t look at me, my heart sunk

Hoping I misread the obvious, I played the waiting game

Perhaps this will pass and we can go back to normal

This my only hope, I treaded gingerly

When you said, “We need to talk,” I knew it was over

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