Tag: lost love

2020

2020

The apex of insanity

Turbulent, Chaotic, Tumultuous

T ’was my zenith, however

My days of halcyon

My peak of perfection

A golden era of your eyes

Burning towards mine

Half closed as your lips inched ever so close

Glazed in a sensation of merriment

When our hearts fluttered in anticipation of the next time

And the time after that

Even the time after that

For there were to be a myriad of instances

In that most breathtaking of years

Mythical, even fictitious

That someone so spectacular

Could ever be so drawn to me

Regrettably, the inevitable occurred

Not in one single stroke

Rather, over time

The pendulum eventually sways in the other direction

Slowly, unnoticeably

Such as the earth rotates on its axis

A pendulum that promotes its personal vendetta against me

By inexplicably changing your mind

The gods of loneliness and angst always win

It’s undefeated record intact

Save for that one beautiful year in 2020

The Empty Room

Oh, how right the world was

That Christmas Eve

A mere two years ago

Moving in cadence

Clockwise

To the chords of sweet acapella

Illuminated by the blinking lights of holiday cheer

💔

Fast forward one year

The song still played

Albeit faintly

Its powerful emotion faded

Together in person; gone in all other ways

A prelude to heartache

💔

Accelerate to today

No song to be heard

Only the occasional pop of the pipes fills the airwaves

All loving emotions rendered to oblivion

It’s as if the characters were a mirage

That it never happened

Only brought back when the lights illuminate the empty room

I Would Have Married Her

I would have married her

That much is certain

Would’ve given her the fairytale all girls dream of

Ever since they were young

Forever played out in my mind

A predictable, storybook ending

But alas, the unpredictable nudged itself into the script ……..

I should have seen it coming

The lack of eye contact

Head bowed in shame

Cold, one word responses

Unanswered messages

Creative excuses

All ignored in the desperate hope I was imagining it all

But I knew all along………

Now I sit alone and ponder

I know she’s with him

Whoever he is

I have no idea who he is yet I feel for him

For he has no clue what’s to come

It’ll hit him like a sledgehammer to the core

It’s inevitable

Despite his acts of kindness towards her that’s beyond anybody’s allotment………

She is unable to accept any sort of happiness

Never felt fulfillment so the mere thought signals something is wrong

So she must go

Into the arms of his successor

Who has no inkling of the role he’s about to inherit………

I would have married her

Can you believe that?

Broken

Perhaps it’s best this way

No sustained hope for more

We reached the pinnacle

The journey concluded

Only dead ends abound

I can accept that

In my head

I can even see a way past it……..

If only my heart would not infringe on my good sense

If only my memory could wane after a while

Didn’t allow me to chew on the heyday,

The apex, the capstone……..

If only I hadn’t laid eyes on you today

And brought it all back

My stubborn fixation for you

All the progress my heart and mind had made

These dreadful past few weeks

Dissipated……..

They say time heals all wounds

But why do the sands stagnate so

And should I ever see you again

Will it have the same effect

A week from now?

A month?

A year?

Am I doomed to a reality of ebb and flow

Forever……..

Boardwalk

Summer

Crashing Waves

Sweet salt smell perforates my senses

The boardwalk

You

You were the difference that summer

Eight weeks of breathtaking bliss

Your hand in mine

Our lips intertwined

Fulfillment

We made a promise

To each other

A commitment

It felt so right

But a commitment under the stars of a teenage summer

Hardly carries the weight of a binding agreement

Such commitments harbor puncture wounds

Fissures that lead directly to heartbreak

For one or both sides

Letters pledging undying and enduring love come rapidly

In the days following those amazing eight weeks

However, written allegiances cannot sustain

They wilt under the increasing cooler temperatures

Death comes quick to such allegiances by first snowfall

All that is left is the empty boardwalk

Colt 45

This old colt 45 is my inspiration

Stimulates my passion for her

Courage escalates as the minutes pass

Type one more digit in her number

Might reach all ten before I go to sleep

I hope she’s receptive

It’s been many moons since she was wronged

Desserts and time zones fill the space between us

I’ve spent many a night in the wooden rocker

Contemplating my life

Damning myself for the errors of my ways

The old colt 45

Never far from my reach

1994

You left me in 1994

I didn’t see it coming

Blindsided, I retreated into obscurity

To a sanctuary I didn’t want to be in

Shock and disbelief passed the torch onto depression

Hopelessness my one confidant

Not sure how I was going to get past it

I remember 1994 well

The carefree 80’s were no more

Replaced by a new darkness

Six months of reclusive living

The white Bronco chase

Kurt died

Black Hole Sun playing every five minutes

Maybe I’ll shower today

The road to recovery long and cumbersome

My hell eventually subsided

I got over you

Now I rarely miss you

Until that damn song comes on

I still hate 1994

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