Incompetent and Insane Drivers

Bad Driving Tip #9

Welcome to my personal rant that gets me fired up traveling to and from work, and really, anywhere in between. I struggle with other people sharing my roadways. Thanks Dad! In an effort to not take part in a road rage incident, I’ve decided to express my frustrations in a healthier manner. Right here. For you.

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Driving slowly until a truck lane opens up

Tip: Maintain one speed, preferably the faster one

Have you been through this one before? Does it only bother me? I’ll be behind someone going 37 in a 50 for miles and miles. Finally, a truck lane opens, and the person opens up to about 70 mph. As a (usually) disgruntled driver, I have one of two choices. I could lay back and accept that I cannot pass the person, knowing without a doubt that he will be dropping down to his consistent 37 mph once the truck lane ends. Or I could speed up myself to 80 mph and go around the moron. I choose number two.

Bad Driving Tip #8

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Stopping traffic to let more than three people out

Tip: Only allow one person out into traffic

I get it, especially this time of year. You know, the giving and all. But do we really need to force traffic to come to a screeching halt to let an entire county full of drivers out of an intersection and into our lane of traffic? Wouldn’t letting one car out be enough to keep us on the good list? And what if they’re pulling into traffic and going in the OPPOSITE direction we are going? Now, the drivers coming from that direction feel obligated to stop, as well. I’m not going to be THAT guy and not stop. So now, we are all at a standstill because someone is trying to make amends for past sins and feels it necessary to be extra, extra friendly to strangers.

Bad Driving Tip #7

Incompetent and Insane Drivers:

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Getting confused at a four-way intersection

Tip: Don’t get confused at a four-way intersection

It’s really not that difficult. The car(s) that were at the intersection before you get to go before you. You do not get to cut ahead. This was addressed at the recess line in kindergarten. If you haven’t learned this by now, you shouldn’t be driving. Or getting to go outside for recess.

Nor is this the time to be extra courteous and wave drivers through who got to the intersection 30 seconds after you. For some reason, the four-way is confusing enough. Extra courtesy just muddles it up further. Plus, you’re ticking off the pile of drivers that have now gathered up behind you.

An Extra Tip (because we’re near the holidays and I’m feeling extra giving): If there is any confusion as to who was actually at the intersection first, like any confusion at all, and the other driver waves you through, for the love of God, please GO! Do not turn this into the Courtesy Awards and wave them through instead. You already know what will happen. Both of you will go at the same time, creating that awkward situation where you both must hit the brakes and look foolish in the middle of the intersection. Just go. It’s fine to give a thankful little wave as you go. But go.

Bad Driving Tip #6

Incompetent and Insane Drivers:

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Tapping on the breaks when you are deemed too close to their back bumper

Tip: Step on the gas or pull over and get out of the way!

This happens more often in my laid back and rural state than in a more populated area, I find. Someone going 37 miles per hour in a 50-mph zone, gets offended because I am behind them, so they slam on their breaks to get me to back off. However, this tactic rarely works with me. In this situation, I will give you miles of the most concentrated driving I can possibly give, because I will drive to within an inch of that bumper and stay there.

Bad Driving Tip #5

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Waiting too long to go when the car in front of you at a red light turned green drives away

Tip: Go a split second after they go

This one drives me insane! I’ll be the fifth car in line at a red light. The light turns green. The first driver goes. The second driver waits what seems to be a half an hour to go themselves. Why? JUST GO ALREADY! But nope, the third driver does the same. The fourth driver repeats the offense and then runs the yellow light to get through. I’m now left at a red light. Seething.

Bad Driving Tip #4

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Taking too long to make a simple right-hand turn.

Tip: Step on the gas somewhat, please! You will not end up on two wheels, I promise!

Ever get behind someone who puts their right turn blinker on a half mile before their turn and when they actually get to where they want to execute the turn, they do so slower than a sailboat could make the same turn? Ever wish you could ram that person into the turn quicker? Me too.

Bad Driving Tip #3

Person A: You won’t be happy until you are the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Waiting too timidly at an intersection to pull out

Tip: The car that you are waiting for is a mile away. You can safely pull out.

Why do I always get behind these people? The one that must wait for all traffic to clear before they will pull out. I’m not suggesting anyone pull out into oncoming traffic, but for the love of Jesus, the farm tractor that is slowly approaching from a half mile away is not going to suddenly come up on our tailpipe! I promise you!

Bad Driving Tip #2

Person A: You won’t be happy unless you were the only person driving out there.

Me: How do we make that happen?

Offense: Driving slow enough to hold up all other drivers in the county, plus a group of joggers, in addition to two goats simply trying to run for the dinner bell

Tip: Pull the damn car over and let us through

It always happens to me. I’m cruising along and know things are too good to be true. It’s inevitable that I will eventually pull up to someone going 37 in a 50. And they keep looking back at me in their mirror, worried about what I’m doing! I love it when they tap their brakes to get me to back off. Sir! You are going too slooooooow! The only thing I could do in this situation is to pull over myself and have a sandwich to let you get a few miles ahead. But then, any one of the other 47 cars behind me will be riding “too close” to you!

Bad Driving Tip #1

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-red-light-district/202106/10-things-know-about-road-rage

Offense: Driving in the left-hand lane and not passing anyone

Tip: Get the hell over to the slow lane

This happens way too much! How many times do you see someone pull over to pass someone and stay in the left-hand land, just because there is another car a mile or so up ahead that they MIGHT pass in a few minutes? Meanwhile, I’m seething back here! Get back to the right-hand lane and let us through!

There’s a stretch of road where I live in which a major route requires a left-hand turn. So, naturally, everyone must get over in the left-hand lane two miles before the turn, right? No! You have plenty of time to get over!