When I’m President 3-24-2022

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

To die for

“That apple pie was to die for!”  No, it isn’t.  NOTHING that is to be consumed is worth dying over.    

Bigger fish to fry

When a problem or an issue is deemed not too important, someone might say they have bigger fish to fry.  How big?  A shark?  What if I’m not particularly hungry at that moment and I only feel like frying a small fish?  I’m not always starving to where I need to fry larger fish.

Plenty of fish in the sea

Staying with the fish theme, when someone experiences a break-up, they might say there are plenty of fish in the sea.  This may be true, but it has little to no bearing on whether I rebound.

A good shit

This one is actually a COMPLIMENT!  It’s a good thing to be called a good shit.  No thank you!  I’m not interested at all!

Delish

Another word that we shorten to either sound cool or because we are too lazy to say the entire word.  Stupid.

Asking for a friend

Here’s one that is used to disguise you are asking for yourself.  Perhaps the thing you are asking about is so embarrassing, you may lose all your friends if they found out you were inquiring about it?

Dollars to doughnuts

When one is so sure of themselves, they are willing to bet something of value for something of much smaller value.  My argument against this one is that I’ve come across many doughnuts in my lifetime whose value FAR exceeded that of a measly dollar.  But nobody every says they will bet doughnuts to dollars.  And what if we are only somewhat sure of ourselves.  Do we substitute dollars for say, pennies?  “I’ll bet you pennies to dust that I am correct.”

When I’m President 12-23-2021

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

Special Edition: Holiday Sayings and Phrases:

Bah humbug

Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol” in 1843.  Nobody ever says bah humbug until December 15, when everyone says it.  If you don’t use this phrase in June, you shouldn’t use it in December.

Scrooge

Same as bah humbug.  Whenever someone is grumpy in December, they’re referred to as a Scrooge.  In June, they’re an as@&ole.”

Grinch

See above.

Festivus

Seinfeld was a great show, but the Festivus episode was a quarter century ago.  It is no longer funny (and hasn’t been since around 2000) to wish everyone a Happy Festivus or talk about the airing of grievances or feats of strength.  Now, if someone makes the effort to bring an aluminum pole to the office, I’ll listen.

Coal in stocking

Why coal?  Why not threaten someone who is naughty with something far worse than coal?  How about a pile of goat crap?

Happy New Year

You’ll start hearing this one any day now.  They’ll all wish you a Happy New Year.  My question is, how far into the new year do we get before it’s no longer considered new?  January 15?  Do I get to be happy for 14 days and then I’m on my own?  I say to all of you, “Happy All Year.”

When I’m President 12-9-2021

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

In da house

No comment.

D Fence

For 50 years, at every NFL football game, at least one person is holding up a large “D,” while his buddy has a large fence.  It must stop.

Light up the room

“She would just light up the room.”  Anyone can do that provided they have any of the following:  a flashlight, candle, or a lamp with electricity.  It’s not that big of a deal.

Sorry, not sorry

Hi, I’m your new president.  You just got life in prison for saying that.

Piece of the pie

“Everybody should get their piece of the pie.”  Why a pie?  I’d rather get my piece of a large Nestle Crunch Dairy Queen blizzard.  With chocolate soft serve.

You can lead a horse to water

I knew a guy who had a horse.  Never once did he have to lead the horse to water.  No, the thing must have been a downright genius because he could find the water all by himself. 

Dangling the carrot

This is to convince someone to do something.  Let me tell you something.  If you want me to do something, dangling a carrot will send me in the opposite direction.

When I’m President 11-4-2021

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

Get out of jail free card

It usually takes a parole hearing, and then, nobody gets a card that gives them the freedom to simply walk out.

Debbie Downer

I knew a Debbie.  She was extremely upbeat.  Now, Cassie, she was always a downer.  So stop being such a Cassie Downer.

Whodunnit

Stupid.

Thrown under the bus

What about a locomotive?  Nobody ever says, “She threw me under the locomotive.” 

And, I’m not a small guy.  She would have to be awfully strong to throw me anywhere.

Rock star

Often used to describe one’s best employee.  “That Debbie!  Not only is she always upbeat, but she also does a great job!  She’s a rock star!”

Debbie does not play a musical instrument.  I do, and I’m NOT a rock star.  If I were, I wouldn’t be writing this post.  No, Debbie is merely a fantastic employee.  She will have to be satisfied with that.

At the end of the day

This one is used to build us up for the most important stuff.  “At the end of the day, I feel our relationship is not working.”

Why do we always have to wait for the end of the day for resolution?  I would rather get it over with at the beginning of the day.  That way I have time to pack my stuff and get out of there.  Next time, simply say, “I have a whole bunch of nonsensical things I could say, but I’m going to save us both some time and tell you now at the beginning of the day.  We’re through!  Get out!”

Anywho

Instead of “anyhow.”  It’s dumb, mindless, and doesn’t save any time by way of abbreviation.

When I’m President 10-21-2021

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

Bro

I love when someone I don’t know calls me, “Bro.”  I don’t want to even be seen with you, let alone having anyone think we are even potentially related.

Bahahaha

Usually written as an overembellished laugh on social media.  It’s stupid.

Roast beast

Yes, people actually use this to refer to roast beef.  I’ve heard them.  It was somewhat witty when the Grinch said it.  Not you. 

Um

Another written one, usually when sarcastically questioning someone, as in, “Um, you do realize…….”

Between you, me, and the lamppost

Um, the lamppost is an object and cannot hear anything we are discussing.

Houston, we’ve had a problem

Yes, this old reference to the Apollo 13 movie is still frequently used.  26 years later.

All that jazz

I love jazz music, but not that much. Let’s not leave out the other genres of music.

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