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When I’m President 1-27-2022

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

Scratch the surface

“We’re only scratching the surface.”  Why is everything people are looking for waaaaaay below the surface?  What if what I’m in search of is right below the surface line?  Or even ABOVE the surface?  Then, if someone accuses me of only scratching the surface, I can reply, “Good, thank you.” 

Hard to get

When a guy is desperately trying to win the affection of a girl, she pretends not to like him, even though she very well may.  WTF is up with that!  So, if someone is offering me Super Bowl tickets that I would love to have, I’m going to say, “Weeellllll, I don’t know????”  Hell no!  I’m going to be “easy to get” in that scenario.

Rob Peter to pay Paul

Why does Peter always get screwed in this scenario?  He worked his tail off to get to where he is and because Paul plays video games in his parent’s basement with cheese curl stains on his undershirt, Peter must suffer a robbery!  Blasphemy!

In the house (In da house)

If newly elected baseball hall of famer David Ortiz shows up at Fenway Park, they will say, “David Ortiz is in the house!”  No, he is outside on a baseball field.  Worse is when they say, “In da house.”  Stomach churning.

Put 2 and 2 together

This is why we can’t get anywhere in this country.  We’re still struggling to put 2 and 2 together.  Meanwhile, in Japan they’ve managed to put 7,254,651,000 and 7,254,651,000 together.  That’s where we need to get.

The force is strong with this one

Enough with the Yoda sayings!  He’s a cool little guy, but the original movies came out more than 40 years ago!  The same goes for replacing the word force with anything else, such as, “The stupid is strong with this one.”

Good egg

If someone likes me, they might call me a good egg.  I’m not interested in this at all.  Eggs crack easily and I prefer to think I’m cool under pressure.  Just call me a good person, please.

Author: Whipped Owl

Writer Musician Historian Sportsman Loner

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