When I’m President 12-23-2021

I don’t plan on running for president anytime soon.  However, if I did, and was elected, things would be a whole lot different around here.  This post is not meant to get into anything political AT ALL, rather, it’s a way for me to blow off a little steam regarding a bunch of things people say WAY TOO MUCH that drive me crazy.  As there are approximately eight gazillion things that bother me, I will share a partial list, say, every Thursday.

So, without further ado, here is my list of catch words, sayings, and phrases that will be OUTLAWED or simply GONE, should I ever become president.  A word of caution, you most likely use one or many of these………

Special Edition: Holiday Sayings and Phrases:

Bah humbug

Dickens wrote “A Christmas Carol” in 1843.  Nobody ever says bah humbug until December 15, when everyone says it.  If you don’t use this phrase in June, you shouldn’t use it in December.

Scrooge

Same as bah humbug.  Whenever someone is grumpy in December, they’re referred to as a Scrooge.  In June, they’re an as@&ole.”

Grinch

See above.

Festivus

Seinfeld was a great show, but the Festivus episode was a quarter century ago.  It is no longer funny (and hasn’t been since around 2000) to wish everyone a Happy Festivus or talk about the airing of grievances or feats of strength.  Now, if someone makes the effort to bring an aluminum pole to the office, I’ll listen.

Coal in stocking

Why coal?  Why not threaten someone who is naughty with something far worse than coal?  How about a pile of goat crap?

Happy New Year

You’ll start hearing this one any day now.  They’ll all wish you a Happy New Year.  My question is, how far into the new year do we get before it’s no longer considered new?  January 15?  Do I get to be happy for 14 days and then I’m on my own?  I say to all of you, “Happy All Year.”

Author: Whipped Owl

Writer Musician Historian Sportsman Loner

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