Wedding Reception

https://thejerp.wordpress.com/2011/08/23/stupid-wedding-traditions/

Ah, the traditional wedding reception

Coming to an American Legion near you

It starts on the front steps of the church

Right after the most beautiful ceremony

We get to stand in a line for 45 minutes

To shake hands with the people we just watched get married

Now we can drive to the Legion for part two

And wait

And wait

And wait some more

Sometimes up to two hours

Are they here yet?

Cousin Ralph thought he saw a limo pull up out back!

Nope, just a Suburban.

Damn!

Eureka! It’s time!

A portly DJ is going to use his deep, but forced perfect for radio voice to announce the entire wedding party

Mom, Dad, Mom, Stepdad, Dad, and the eight bridesmaids and eight groomsmen

And it’s a good thing we’re getting this introduction

I brought four of these people here

They should instead introduce the people in the audience to each other

I know NONE of them

I never do

The clinking of glasses

Brings a deep cringe to me

Why didn’t they use paper cups?

Ah, throwing of the bouquet

Where a collection of single women portray a WWE cage match to catch flowers that are going to die

I always wonder what enormous pressure it must be for the one who caught it

The garter belt

Gives folks the opportunity a be creepy for free

There’s always one redneck who makes a sexist joke that is hardly funny

Cue the DJ

“It’s time to cut the cake!”

Ooooohhhhhhhh! Everyone stop what you’re doing!

Some poor lady poured her heart and soul in making this thing and Jethro is going to smash it into his new bride’s face because his pals egged him on

Nauseating

The dollar dance

The chicken dance (mandatory for every wedding reception)

The electric slide

Hey! They’re leaving! Get the rice! The rice!

The masses are eating this stuff up! Having a grand time!

Here’s a word of advice

If you’re going to have a traditional wedding reception

And you know me

PLEASE forget to send my invitation

You’ll get a much nicer gift

Author: Whipped Owl

Writer Musician Historian Sportsman Loner

2 thoughts on “Wedding Reception”

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